Nothing says celeb like a Tori Spelling tattoo

What a remarkable invention the internet has turned out to be – after seven months of postings at this site, the most Googled item to date is one discussing What’s For Dinner? sidekick Mary Jo Eustace getting dumped by actor spouse Dean McDermott. Those searches re-ignited after a lead item in the New York Post’s Page Six which discussed Eustace’s book proposal, currently being eyeballed by publishers, called My Husband Dumped Me For Tori Spelling. Yet, if there’s really enough to the story to merit a bound volume – not to mention her screaming for vengeance – rather than expecting to win the book advance lottery, why wouldn’t Mary Jo just publish the thing herself? Teri Hatcher may have a best-seller with Burnt Toast and Other Philosophies on Life, but she had to get a starring role on Desperate Housewives, tell sordid tales of sexual abuse while posing in underpants on the cover of Vanity Fair, and discuss with Oprah Winfrey what it’s like to be dumped by Ryan Seacrest. Back in November, giants of journalism at CTV issued a press release headlined Sources tell eTalk Daily That Tori Spelling is Pregnant!, perfectly timed for selling commercial spots on the late December airing of Mind Over Murder, a triumph of prime-time CanCon quota-filling where McDermott had his initial legover with the television heiress. Given how this eTalk scoop didn’t travel elsewhere, presumably she wasn’t knocked up, after all – yet the more permanent penetration involved a tattoo needle on Dean’s wrist, which now reads “Truly, Madly, Deeply Tori”, along with her headshot embedded on his arm. The sordid tale from Mary Jo Eustace promises to tell of how the electric bills for herself and their two kids – including a baby adopted just a few months prior – were being ignored in favour of financing this body art. And while Tori has recently suggested she’s on the verge of being disinherited by her 83-year-old father Aaron Spelling, all in the name of promoting her self-parody show So NoTORIous, one must figure that Dean McDermott is counting on never having to pay his ACTRA dues again. Plus, they will share a home on the dial when both Due South and Beverly Hills, 90210 are fixtures of CanWest Global’s rebranded channel TVtropolis, which promises to be “the only national network built on back-to-back, iconic hits from the last 10 to 15 years”. With such tepid teevee marketing schemes out there, no wonder a woman no longer needs to have been married to David Bowie, Stephen Hawking or Pierre Trudeau to write an ex-wife memoir anymore.