Lording it over all those lousy ‘Rings’ reviews

“In terms of demographics, this show is written and produced for Everyman,” argues Lord of the Rings producer Kevin Wallace, defending his debacle in a Saturday Star column by Martin Knelman which took bets on whether this behemoth can prove a critic-proof spectacle. The spin was in overdrive all weekend, following the rash of negative opening night appraisals throughout the international press. A reaction published in The Observer was titled Springtime for Tolkien and Mordor, evoking The Producers – another musical whose local staging failed to live up to advance enthusiasm. The review by Gaby Wood is favourable, but the changing is described as “reminiscent of an old British Airways ad”, while the duets “appear to have been inspired by a dream team of Michael Bolton and Enya”. The take in the L.A. Times by Charles McNulty threw in a comparison to Kevin Costner’s infamously overbudget Waterworld: “If the creators can get J.R.R. Tolkien’s mammoth epic down to 90 minutes from its current 3 1/2 hours, there’s even a chance it could one day reach Vegas.” But much as the opening of LOTR inspired puff pieces like the incredulous exhortation from The New York Times, headlined A Revitalized Toronto Pins its Hopes on the Hobbits, local stages with a budget of less than $25 million will gain some spillover coverage from the theatrical wags who’ve swung through town, like the Cleveland Plain Dealer recommending that a drama-enamoured tourist seek out anything but. Rachel Tolkien, the 35-year-old art gallery-owning granddaughter of J.R.R., had her endorsement of the play planted on the AP wire. While any fallout from the LOTR backlash apparently won’t be reflected in the box office until this fall – once all the advance ticket buyers and summer tourists take their turn suffering through 230 minutes of audience captivity at the Princess of Wales Theatre – what seems to be hinging most on the outcome isn’t the Toronto tourism industry, but J.R.R. sustaining a place on the Forbes list of top-earning dead celebrities.